Time on my hands

So today was my first day with no work.  I am very kind of BLAH about this whole situation.  I spent all day moping and typing a fanfiction story.  (major geek I know).  I have a friend coming over tomorrow to sit hang out.  This chick always cheers me up so I think that will be good for me.  
I feel like I was taking 2 steps forward and someone just punch me and kicked me and when i was down they rolled me back 5 steps.  All the air went out of my balloon.  
It is a momentary set back.  I already have some job prospects but this will interfere with school I am sure.  I don't know How I am going to fit in observation hours and I still have to pay for fingerprinting and tests this month.  I am so frustrated I want to scream.  
I know God has a plan for me.  I know He does.  And He has always seen us through before (like us getting a windfall of money just when we have needed it before).  But I have a bad feeling in my gut.  I have always been told to trust my feelings.  
Tomorrow I am going to get up and at least be somewhat productive with my time.  I want to clean house before my friend comes over.  Then I am going to spend my time organizing my house until the Hubs gets home then we are going to utilizes the Gym while we have it paid for.  Good thing we got into a month to month place.  That way I can stop it. 


sad as it is I have to give up my dance classes for now too.... Just until I find something.  If I haven't had any call backs. etc, by next week i think I am just going to sign up for sub teaching.  That will be better for me while I am in school and it will be a pay check even if it is only once a month.  I will just have to adjust :) 


Things will get better........ I know it.  

Insomnia, Good Books, and Sore Muscles.

I cannot seem to get comfortable to sleep tonight.  Boo.  I need to get rest so my body doesn't just totally die out on me tomorrow.  I am so tired, but I am sore and I think that might have a lot to do with it.  It is a good pain... like the pain of my fingertips when I was trying to learn guitar.  (I need to try that again too.  I gave up too easy!!)  I know I am sore now but it will be worth it.  I skipped out on working out today because in between my shoulder blades is really sore and I didn't want to push it too much and over do it since I am just starting out. I worked out on Thursday at the gym, then went to my dance class for the first time IN AGES on Friday.  


IT FELT SO GOOD.  


I didn't know if I would make it for the full time... there was one part where I was just like... OK if I just stop now I still would be doing a lot!  But then I shook it off and kept going.  Anna isn't really a hard ass or anything so it keeps it FUN.  But we burned over 700 Calories and took over 5500 steps in 50 minutes that really went by a lot faster than 50 minutes of me in a gym so I am going to celebrate the minor success in making it!!!


Tomorrow morning will be filled with school work... SO STRESS!  I really think I flipped my lid thinking I could do all of this at once working full time and full time at school.  Part of this transition also keeps down my stress I think because I am sweating it out LOL.


If I have time I might try to sneak to the gym and try their hydro massage.  I get it with the membership and I have never tried one but I think it might help me out about now.  


Then tomorrow afternoon is another dance class!!!!  I am going to be doing 6 weeks of Sunday classes!  And that means one more work out i didn't do before :)  another (dance) step in the right direction.  


And can we just say now that the weather is AMAZING.  It was absolutely the perfect temperature outside today and not raining.  Great Saturday.  I think I want to try and go to the public market by Turkey creek as a treat if I get done with my homework in time before class.  I heard it is pretty good so I want to check it out.  Has anybody else been yet???  I was kind of giving it a bit of time to catch on before going and to see if I could find out if was good before going or not.  


Oh and if you haven't noticed yet.  I am totally obsessed with the Hunger Games Trilogy!! 

Signed up for GYM

Signed up for the gym today.  It was about 50 bucks to sign but it will only be 25 a month, month to month and I can always bring a guest... which means we save money!  I don't have to pay monthly for Johnny and we only had to pay one sign up fee.  It comes with tanning (yeah not for me... i am pale and I burn... and SKIN CANCER) and hydro-massage.  I might try that massage thingy.  Anyway.  I did a short work out about 20 minutes total and it made me see just how out of SHAPE I am.  It was ridiculous... AND of course my leg started acting up.  But I will work through this pain!  My foot swelled (is that the right way of saying that?) and my toe hurts.  I think I might go to the Dr. in the morning because I have money right now and it seems to be the best idea in the world to me.


Promise I am going to start going back to my dance classes.  I am in desperate NEED of a FUN time and STRESS reliever.  I am going to be up to my eyeballs in homework tomorrow for school.  I bet by the time class rolls around I will be ready to dance "swoll" foot or not I will be in there.  


I cannot thank everyone enough for the support.  I need it.  But I think what I might need is someone telling me I can't do it... and I want them to mean it.  I have kind of figured out I don't work "normally".  As I went off to College Mom kept saying most kids change their majors AT LEAST once.... so what did I do.... I made sure I didn't.  I like to do things that are a challenge.  Someone who REALLY doesn't believe in me, make yourself KNOWN!  Be my "heckler" if you will.  


I have made my goals thus far, which was to sign up and work out.  Well, then I am also telling myself to get back into my groove and DANCE again, because I LOVE DANCING.  And when I was some number of sizes smaller I WAS BETTER AT IT.


Well guess what My goal in all of this is not be "skinny"  My goal is to be HAPPY again.  I was Happy at size 16.  It was good times.  I was healthier, I was happier.... I got married at a size 16... I feel in love in a size 16 ERA.  You know what... that is not skinny by any means but it is A LOT better than where I am now.  (I have not made the courage to say my size, it frightens me of what people will think but never say to my face.) ((I know I am an adult and I shouldn't care but  you all are my friends... because honestly only my friends would care enough to read my craziness blog :)  It is part of me and you all CARE))   


Any Takers on the Heckler yet.... if so COMMENT!
Skinnier Me.......

Random Side note.... thinking about going back to this hair (see pic below....)

Pictures And Freddie Mercury

Today my friend posted on her FB some pictures from this weekend.  I am over how i look completely.  It disgusts me.  This is all I need!  I am going to print this picture that I look so awful in and then keep it with me.  Every time i see it I will KNOW this is why I am doing it.  I am very unhappy with the way i feel and look.  I am an awesome person and I don't want this physicality being what holds me back in life.  I have already planned to join the gym this week, but now I am going to be pushed more.

Happy birthday to Freddie Mercury!!  Google has a really awesome video thing if you all having seen it!!!!

Time to kick it up a notch.

I have been so busy these past few weeks.  Crocheting until my arms want to fall off, But I am done with that for just a bit of time.  Tomorrow I will be traveling to my hometown to enjoy setting up a craft booth with a coworker of mine.  She does Christmas crafts which will probably draw a huge crowd.  They are pretty amazing.  I have 6 baby blankets.  Some with hats and some with booties.  I didn't get to make nearly as many as I wanted to.  But hey, I only had a month to make it and it takes a lot of time to do a blanket.  I am definitely going to try and do this on the side though for a while so if anyone knows anyone who is having a baby and needs a shower gift, or if you are having a baby and would like to request a personal blanket set. I can include hat and booties for $20 to $25 depending on what you want.  That is pretty dang cheap for a week's worth of labor which is on average what it takes to finish.  But I like doing it and it is relaxing.
They finally got equipment into the gym down the road.  Saw it on Thursday when we drove by it.  And that means this week, when the hubs gets paid we are going to join!  So by this coming Thursday I should be working out like no body's business.
I had an issue with my foot/leg on Friday AGAIN.  it swelled up and i felt very self conscious about it since I was wear flip flops and capris.  But I have a pain in my toe and i have had it for awhile.  I have been ignoring it because it doesn't hurt much.... I think I need to start listening to my body more.  I am going to try and go to the dr. on Tuesday because I think I need to see if there is something wrong with my toe that might be causing all this pain in my leg and the swelling in my ankle/foot areas.  Or if there is something else they might find.  I am always scared it will be some life threatening thing which in my mind instead of making me WANT to go to the dr. makes me NOT WANT to go.  I watch too many "Mystery Diagnosis" on TV and my mom implants ideas in my head because she is the same way!!! 
I know man I am boring.  That is all for now.  Maybe I will have something More "Kick-ass" to say next time.  Or something more inspirational. like "I started working out and you know what it is NOT difficult and is FUN."  Yeah I doubt that will ever be said in real life.  Unless I am talking about the dance classes that I am so looking forward to :)

This coming weekend.

Oh goodness!  I am ready for some time off from work!!!  This weekend is a 5 day for me!!!  I am going to see good friends and celebrate a birthday.  Then on Monday I will be in my hometown trying to sell the blankets I have been making.  Hopefully ablke to sell at least 3 or 4 of them.... I only made like 6 I think.  2 will make my money back but then I will have alll these baby blankets and no babies to cover with them.... eh. 

I am so Glad I took Tuesday off too.. I am going to spend that day going to see what I have to have to sign up at Workout anytime.  That way I can be prepared to join next weekend. when I will have money to do so :)  Then to get my workout on.  I want to go any day that I am not going to dance class.  That way I am active every day so I can reach my goal!!!