So I have been sick this past week or so. Sinus infection!! EEEK.
I am working my BUTT off slowly :) I have lost weight since I have been working 2 jobs. I guess retail will do that for you. I have not had much time to do anything but work though.
I am on a break from school until life settle down. And I have to take my Praxis exams. WELL, that will happen as soon as we start getting real money. I get my first paycheck from AC MOORE tomorrow. This is johnny's last week of unemployment because he starts work on Monday. I am SO EXCITED about that!!! After he starts working I will be able to pay down my bills again and save for my exams. Hopefully by February I will have those under my belt!!! If not it will be 2013 before I can student teach. Which if it happens that way then I know it was supposed to happen that way.
I have been kid of down lately. I have so many friends who are posting online about how they are expecting. some of them have kids already and some don't. I know I should be happy for them... and I am happy for them, but sometimes that gets overshadowed by my breaking heart. people who can have kids take it for granted. And I don't like to feel like Debbie Downer, but I am when it comes to that. I don't feel like anyone understands me anymore on that area of my life. Drs. don't listen. And none of my friends really understand (most of them have babies). I just let it bring me down sometimes. and today is one of those days.
Know why? because today I actually have time to think. I am only at one job today. :) And this job has internet access :) Which I no longer have at home. Or cable. It is fairly easy to live without if you ask me. With the phones we have nowadays who needs it. I have netflix on my phone!!! I can just watch something on there if i get bored.
I know I am a lucky woman. I have the best husband, a great family and super excellent friends. I just let these things get to me sometimes... and I am only human.
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Time on my hands
So today was my first day with no work. I am very kind of BLAH about this whole situation. I spent all day moping and typing a fanfiction story. (major geek I know). I have a friend coming over tomorrow to sit hang out. This chick always cheers me up so I think that will be good for me.
I feel like I was taking 2 steps forward and someone just punch me and kicked me and when i was down they rolled me back 5 steps. All the air went out of my balloon.
It is a momentary set back. I already have some job prospects but this will interfere with school I am sure. I don't know How I am going to fit in observation hours and I still have to pay for fingerprinting and tests this month. I am so frustrated I want to scream.
I know God has a plan for me. I know He does. And He has always seen us through before (like us getting a windfall of money just when we have needed it before). But I have a bad feeling in my gut. I have always been told to trust my feelings.
Tomorrow I am going to get up and at least be somewhat productive with my time. I want to clean house before my friend comes over. Then I am going to spend my time organizing my house until the Hubs gets home then we are going to utilizes the Gym while we have it paid for. Good thing we got into a month to month place. That way I can stop it.
sad as it is I have to give up my dance classes for now too.... Just until I find something. If I haven't had any call backs. etc, by next week i think I am just going to sign up for sub teaching. That will be better for me while I am in school and it will be a pay check even if it is only once a month. I will just have to adjust :)
Things will get better........ I know it.
I feel like I was taking 2 steps forward and someone just punch me and kicked me and when i was down they rolled me back 5 steps. All the air went out of my balloon.
It is a momentary set back. I already have some job prospects but this will interfere with school I am sure. I don't know How I am going to fit in observation hours and I still have to pay for fingerprinting and tests this month. I am so frustrated I want to scream.
I know God has a plan for me. I know He does. And He has always seen us through before (like us getting a windfall of money just when we have needed it before). But I have a bad feeling in my gut. I have always been told to trust my feelings.
Tomorrow I am going to get up and at least be somewhat productive with my time. I want to clean house before my friend comes over. Then I am going to spend my time organizing my house until the Hubs gets home then we are going to utilizes the Gym while we have it paid for. Good thing we got into a month to month place. That way I can stop it.
sad as it is I have to give up my dance classes for now too.... Just until I find something. If I haven't had any call backs. etc, by next week i think I am just going to sign up for sub teaching. That will be better for me while I am in school and it will be a pay check even if it is only once a month. I will just have to adjust :)
Things will get better........ I know it.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Insomnia, Good Books, and Sore Muscles.
I cannot seem to get comfortable to sleep tonight. Boo. I need to get rest so my body doesn't just totally die out on me tomorrow. I am so tired, but I am sore and I think that might have a lot to do with it. It is a good pain... like the pain of my fingertips when I was trying to learn guitar. (I need to try that again too. I gave up too easy!!) I know I am sore now but it will be worth it. I skipped out on working out today because in between my shoulder blades is really sore and I didn't want to push it too much and over do it since I am just starting out. I worked out on Thursday at the gym, then went to my dance class for the first time IN AGES on Friday.
IT FELT SO GOOD.
I didn't know if I would make it for the full time... there was one part where I was just like... OK if I just stop now I still would be doing a lot! But then I shook it off and kept going. Anna isn't really a hard ass or anything so it keeps it FUN. But we burned over 700 Calories and took over 5500 steps in 50 minutes that really went by a lot faster than 50 minutes of me in a gym so I am going to celebrate the minor success in making it!!!
Tomorrow morning will be filled with school work... SO STRESS! I really think I flipped my lid thinking I could do all of this at once working full time and full time at school. Part of this transition also keeps down my stress I think because I am sweating it out LOL.
If I have time I might try to sneak to the gym and try their hydro massage. I get it with the membership and I have never tried one but I think it might help me out about now.
Then tomorrow afternoon is another dance class!!!! I am going to be doing 6 weeks of Sunday classes! And that means one more work out i didn't do before :) another (dance) step in the right direction.
And can we just say now that the weather is AMAZING. It was absolutely the perfect temperature outside today and not raining. Great Saturday. I think I want to try and go to the public market by Turkey creek as a treat if I get done with my homework in time before class. I heard it is pretty good so I want to check it out. Has anybody else been yet??? I was kind of giving it a bit of time to catch on before going and to see if I could find out if was good before going or not.
Oh and if you haven't noticed yet. I am totally obsessed with the Hunger Games Trilogy!!
IT FELT SO GOOD.
I didn't know if I would make it for the full time... there was one part where I was just like... OK if I just stop now I still would be doing a lot! But then I shook it off and kept going. Anna isn't really a hard ass or anything so it keeps it FUN. But we burned over 700 Calories and took over 5500 steps in 50 minutes that really went by a lot faster than 50 minutes of me in a gym so I am going to celebrate the minor success in making it!!!
Tomorrow morning will be filled with school work... SO STRESS! I really think I flipped my lid thinking I could do all of this at once working full time and full time at school. Part of this transition also keeps down my stress I think because I am sweating it out LOL.
If I have time I might try to sneak to the gym and try their hydro massage. I get it with the membership and I have never tried one but I think it might help me out about now.
Then tomorrow afternoon is another dance class!!!! I am going to be doing 6 weeks of Sunday classes! And that means one more work out i didn't do before :) another (dance) step in the right direction.
And can we just say now that the weather is AMAZING. It was absolutely the perfect temperature outside today and not raining. Great Saturday. I think I want to try and go to the public market by Turkey creek as a treat if I get done with my homework in time before class. I heard it is pretty good so I want to check it out. Has anybody else been yet??? I was kind of giving it a bit of time to catch on before going and to see if I could find out if was good before going or not.
Oh and if you haven't noticed yet. I am totally obsessed with the Hunger Games Trilogy!!
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Signed up for GYM
Signed up for the gym today. It was about 50 bucks to sign but it will only be 25 a month, month to month and I can always bring a guest... which means we save money! I don't have to pay monthly for Johnny and we only had to pay one sign up fee. It comes with tanning (yeah not for me... i am pale and I burn... and SKIN CANCER) and hydro-massage. I might try that massage thingy. Anyway. I did a short work out about 20 minutes total and it made me see just how out of SHAPE I am. It was ridiculous... AND of course my leg started acting up. But I will work through this pain! My foot swelled (is that the right way of saying that?) and my toe hurts. I think I might go to the Dr. in the morning because I have money right now and it seems to be the best idea in the world to me.
Promise I am going to start going back to my dance classes. I am in desperate NEED of a FUN time and STRESS reliever. I am going to be up to my eyeballs in homework tomorrow for school. I bet by the time class rolls around I will be ready to dance "swoll" foot or not I will be in there.
I cannot thank everyone enough for the support. I need it. But I think what I might need is someone telling me I can't do it... and I want them to mean it. I have kind of figured out I don't work "normally". As I went off to College Mom kept saying most kids change their majors AT LEAST once.... so what did I do.... I made sure I didn't. I like to do things that are a challenge. Someone who REALLY doesn't believe in me, make yourself KNOWN! Be my "heckler" if you will.
I have made my goals thus far, which was to sign up and work out. Well, then I am also telling myself to get back into my groove and DANCE again, because I LOVE DANCING. And when I was some number of sizes smaller I WAS BETTER AT IT.
Well guess what My goal in all of this is not be "skinny" My goal is to be HAPPY again. I was Happy at size 16. It was good times. I was healthier, I was happier.... I got married at a size 16... I feel in love in a size 16 ERA. You know what... that is not skinny by any means but it is A LOT better than where I am now. (I have not made the courage to say my size, it frightens me of what people will think but never say to my face.) ((I know I am an adult and I shouldn't care but you all are my friends... because honestly only my friends would care enough to read my craziness blog :) It is part of me and you all CARE))
Any Takers on the Heckler yet.... if so COMMENT!
Skinnier Me.......
Promise I am going to start going back to my dance classes. I am in desperate NEED of a FUN time and STRESS reliever. I am going to be up to my eyeballs in homework tomorrow for school. I bet by the time class rolls around I will be ready to dance "swoll" foot or not I will be in there.
I cannot thank everyone enough for the support. I need it. But I think what I might need is someone telling me I can't do it... and I want them to mean it. I have kind of figured out I don't work "normally". As I went off to College Mom kept saying most kids change their majors AT LEAST once.... so what did I do.... I made sure I didn't. I like to do things that are a challenge. Someone who REALLY doesn't believe in me, make yourself KNOWN! Be my "heckler" if you will.
I have made my goals thus far, which was to sign up and work out. Well, then I am also telling myself to get back into my groove and DANCE again, because I LOVE DANCING. And when I was some number of sizes smaller I WAS BETTER AT IT.
Well guess what My goal in all of this is not be "skinny" My goal is to be HAPPY again. I was Happy at size 16. It was good times. I was healthier, I was happier.... I got married at a size 16... I feel in love in a size 16 ERA. You know what... that is not skinny by any means but it is A LOT better than where I am now. (I have not made the courage to say my size, it frightens me of what people will think but never say to my face.) ((I know I am an adult and I shouldn't care but you all are my friends... because honestly only my friends would care enough to read my craziness blog :) It is part of me and you all CARE))
Any Takers on the Heckler yet.... if so COMMENT!
Skinnier Me.......
Random Side note.... thinking about going back to this hair (see pic below....)
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Pictures And Freddie Mercury
Happy birthday to Freddie Mercury!! Google has a really awesome video thing if you all having seen it!!!!
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Time to kick it up a notch.
I have been so busy these past few weeks. Crocheting until my arms want to fall off, But I am done with that for just a bit of time. Tomorrow I will be traveling to my hometown to enjoy setting up a craft booth with a coworker of mine. She does Christmas crafts which will probably draw a huge crowd. They are pretty amazing. I have 6 baby blankets. Some with hats and some with booties. I didn't get to make nearly as many as I wanted to. But hey, I only had a month to make it and it takes a lot of time to do a blanket. I am definitely going to try and do this on the side though for a while so if anyone knows anyone who is having a baby and needs a shower gift, or if you are having a baby and would like to request a personal blanket set. I can include hat and booties for $20 to $25 depending on what you want. That is pretty dang cheap for a week's worth of labor which is on average what it takes to finish. But I like doing it and it is relaxing.
They finally got equipment into the gym down the road. Saw it on Thursday when we drove by it. And that means this week, when the hubs gets paid we are going to join! So by this coming Thursday I should be working out like no body's business.
I had an issue with my foot/leg on Friday AGAIN. it swelled up and i felt very self conscious about it since I was wear flip flops and capris. But I have a pain in my toe and i have had it for awhile. I have been ignoring it because it doesn't hurt much.... I think I need to start listening to my body more. I am going to try and go to the dr. on Tuesday because I think I need to see if there is something wrong with my toe that might be causing all this pain in my leg and the swelling in my ankle/foot areas. Or if there is something else they might find. I am always scared it will be some life threatening thing which in my mind instead of making me WANT to go to the dr. makes me NOT WANT to go. I watch too many "Mystery Diagnosis" on TV and my mom implants ideas in my head because she is the same way!!!
I know man I am boring. That is all for now. Maybe I will have something More "Kick-ass" to say next time. Or something more inspirational. like "I started working out and you know what it is NOT difficult and is FUN." Yeah I doubt that will ever be said in real life. Unless I am talking about the dance classes that I am so looking forward to :)
They finally got equipment into the gym down the road. Saw it on Thursday when we drove by it. And that means this week, when the hubs gets paid we are going to join! So by this coming Thursday I should be working out like no body's business.
I had an issue with my foot/leg on Friday AGAIN. it swelled up and i felt very self conscious about it since I was wear flip flops and capris. But I have a pain in my toe and i have had it for awhile. I have been ignoring it because it doesn't hurt much.... I think I need to start listening to my body more. I am going to try and go to the dr. on Tuesday because I think I need to see if there is something wrong with my toe that might be causing all this pain in my leg and the swelling in my ankle/foot areas. Or if there is something else they might find. I am always scared it will be some life threatening thing which in my mind instead of making me WANT to go to the dr. makes me NOT WANT to go. I watch too many "Mystery Diagnosis" on TV and my mom implants ideas in my head because she is the same way!!!
I know man I am boring. That is all for now. Maybe I will have something More "Kick-ass" to say next time. Or something more inspirational. like "I started working out and you know what it is NOT difficult and is FUN." Yeah I doubt that will ever be said in real life. Unless I am talking about the dance classes that I am so looking forward to :)
Thursday, September 1, 2011
This coming weekend.
Oh goodness! I am ready for some time off from work!!! This weekend is a 5 day for me!!! I am going to see good friends and celebrate a birthday. Then on Monday I will be in my hometown trying to sell the blankets I have been making. Hopefully ablke to sell at least 3 or 4 of them.... I only made like 6 I think. 2 will make my money back but then I will have alll these baby blankets and no babies to cover with them.... eh.
I am so Glad I took Tuesday off too.. I am going to spend that day going to see what I have to have to sign up at Workout anytime. That way I can be prepared to join next weekend. when I will have money to do so :) Then to get my workout on. I want to go any day that I am not going to dance class. That way I am active every day so I can reach my goal!!!
I am so Glad I took Tuesday off too.. I am going to spend that day going to see what I have to have to sign up at Workout anytime. That way I can be prepared to join next weekend. when I will have money to do so :) Then to get my workout on. I want to go any day that I am not going to dance class. That way I am active every day so I can reach my goal!!!
Monday, August 29, 2011
Inspiration From Friends....
Today, I stumbled upon a blog that a friend of mine is doing.... What is this, I thought, they still have blogs? Well, then I read it and I thought, I know what I need to do. I want to be held accountable for my life. What better way that to detail it in excruciating detail then hope my friends offer moral support for me :). I say excruciating detail, because if I trip and stumble on my journey I am still going to talk about it. I might even grow a pair and put the EXCRUCIATING NUMBER on here... as in my weight. God, the thought of that number embarrasses me let alone actually typing it on here for the world to see.
This past 5 days has been life changing already.
For those of you who I may not get to talk to much, I will give you a semi short version of what has been happening in the last 2-2.5 years now.
On Thanksgiving 2009, I was blessed with a 3 month long period (sorry if any GUYS are reading, you can pretend you didn't see that part). And at this point I knew I had to take action. I just didn't have insurance yet!!! So in January when my insurance kicked in at work I was at the Doctor waiting to get in!! For years, I have known there was something wrong. I just knew it. I mean, you know your own body. And I have never been one to be "sick" all the time and think there is always something wrong. I HATE when something is wrong. It makes me feel weak.
Well, we found something. PCOS. Poly cystic ovary syndrome. Basically that means I have what looks like about a million little cysts all over my ovaries. I do not ovulate like I should and some times not at all. And very recently I have experienced them RUPTURING.... and that is NOT FUN. But anyway. I have an answer for my problems, so I thought, YAY now we can FIX this. And I was wrong.
There is no fix for this. It is something I will live with for my entire life.
This was also devastating for another reason. I have always always always wanted to be a mother.... well, PCOS is something that keeps this dream from coming true. I know of several people who have PCOS. out of these 10 or 11 people, I know of 1 who has been pregnant and been able to keep it. There are my percentages I am faced with.
Well, after dealing with this for so long now, I have given that up to God. I have decided he will do with it what He wants. I am tired of taking meds that make me sick because they are made for diabetics and are supposed to help with these cysts. All they do is make my blood sugar Plummet and I am left with a sick stomach and headache. And I am tired of paying to see doctors who DO NOT listen to me.
On top of this I have a thyroid issue that has popped up too. This was just discovered about 3 months ago, and it can take years to get the medicines right on that so I am not done with doctors completely. Along with that this problem makes you gain and retain weight and that is the LAST thing I need. I got being curvy covered on my own :). But I am ok with this issue in my life. This is more normal of a problem. However, I hate feeling like I am always at the doctor. People probably think I am a hypochondriac, but hey what can you do.
Here is where guys can pick back up.... :). Last Thursday I was in my car driving home from work and I had forgotten my phone at home... I did that twice last week! So I turned down my radio and I did something I haven't done in a long time. I had a conversation with the Big Guy Upstairs. I haven't done that in a LONG time. When I found out that I had PCOS in January 2010, I kind of gave up that part of my life. I didn't NOT believe anymore or anything like that. But I didn't go to church anymore. Johnny and I used to go every week. But I just couldn't make myself WANT to go anymore.
I was heartbroken. I am still trying to glue the pieces of my heart back together. I just realized that God is the glue that I need now.
So on Thursday I am talking to God, and yelling. and crying. And all I want to know is "WHY? Why am I not going to become the one thing in life that I have always wanted to be? What is the purpose of my life? Am I destined to be that old woman that dies in her house and isn't found until the neighbors smell her rotting corpse? ( This is where my mind goes because I have heard too many stories like that of old women who never had kids and whose husband and other family is long gone) What am I supposed to do with my life? Just give me a sign!" I feel like it is pointless if not to be a mother. I know I could be 80% happy in life. I have great friends, a wonderful family, an amazing husband, but there would be this void in my heart that would never be filled by anything in life that is meant to be filled by the love I would have for my own child.
And as I am done asking "Why, why , why???" I am stopped at a red light. I am stopped here everyday ( I never catch it on green!!) and there are never signs here.... and there was a sign. It simply said "Become a Foster Parent." then had the number to call. Wow, a literal sign. Thank you, because i am oblivious to subtle hints. He knows what I need :).
So I know what I am doing in life now. Well, when I am done with school in 2013. I will then be looking to become a foster parent (along with Johnny of course). I came home and the first thing I did was talk to Johnny about it.
Then I had a friend invite me to come to a church function. So on Saturday I went. And I was nervous about it. I am always nervous going to a church for the first time. I am very used to a certain way in church... and I know there are very many different kinds of church. But I had a feeling I needed to go. So I went. I am glad that I did.
Here I am sitting in a church where every woman in there has at leas 1 kid running around. And the pastor has 7!!! and I am listening to this song the guy on keyboard is singing about healing the body. And here I am just coming off of making this HUGE life decision and I am just looking at these babies and children and hearing these verses of this song and I cannot help but to start just BAWLING in this church. And it was that snotty, gross kind of crying. And I wore makeup and everything of course.
Let's just say by the end of this thing I am only HALF wearing makeup anymore.
I know that I am making the right decisions at this point. I am focused on making myself healthy and getting through school while working full time and not killing myself. I am going to be joining the workout anytime that is opening in Oak Ridge as soon as they are up and running. $15 bucks a month... I can work with that. And I am going to take the stress I have from working and school all the time and I am going to work out until the knot of stress between my shoulder blades is melted away or the rest of me hurts more than it does so I don't notice it. And I am going to start going back to Sizemology classes, because I LOVE THOSE DANCE CLASSES. And I will go all by myself if I have to just to go again.
I don't care if my knees is hurting or my feet are swollen or if it is "too hot to move." I am making changes in my life. I am going to be healthy. I am going to graduate (with a 4.0 if i can at all possibly continue to manage that gpa) and I am going to become a teacher. And I am going to feel sexy again. And I am going to take burlesque classes when I start feeling sexy. Hell, I might even become Nikki Darling (that is my future stage name).
AND in 2013 I am going to walk into my 10 year reunion for high school and I am going to be the hottest, happiest woman in the room. I got the Man of my dreams already. He treats me like a queen. I just have to work on myself. And that is what I am doing... Starting NOW.
**AmandaNicole**
This past 5 days has been life changing already.
For those of you who I may not get to talk to much, I will give you a semi short version of what has been happening in the last 2-2.5 years now.
On Thanksgiving 2009, I was blessed with a 3 month long period (sorry if any GUYS are reading, you can pretend you didn't see that part). And at this point I knew I had to take action. I just didn't have insurance yet!!! So in January when my insurance kicked in at work I was at the Doctor waiting to get in!! For years, I have known there was something wrong. I just knew it. I mean, you know your own body. And I have never been one to be "sick" all the time and think there is always something wrong. I HATE when something is wrong. It makes me feel weak.
Well, we found something. PCOS. Poly cystic ovary syndrome. Basically that means I have what looks like about a million little cysts all over my ovaries. I do not ovulate like I should and some times not at all. And very recently I have experienced them RUPTURING.... and that is NOT FUN. But anyway. I have an answer for my problems, so I thought, YAY now we can FIX this. And I was wrong.
There is no fix for this. It is something I will live with for my entire life.
This was also devastating for another reason. I have always always always wanted to be a mother.... well, PCOS is something that keeps this dream from coming true. I know of several people who have PCOS. out of these 10 or 11 people, I know of 1 who has been pregnant and been able to keep it. There are my percentages I am faced with.
Well, after dealing with this for so long now, I have given that up to God. I have decided he will do with it what He wants. I am tired of taking meds that make me sick because they are made for diabetics and are supposed to help with these cysts. All they do is make my blood sugar Plummet and I am left with a sick stomach and headache. And I am tired of paying to see doctors who DO NOT listen to me.
On top of this I have a thyroid issue that has popped up too. This was just discovered about 3 months ago, and it can take years to get the medicines right on that so I am not done with doctors completely. Along with that this problem makes you gain and retain weight and that is the LAST thing I need. I got being curvy covered on my own :). But I am ok with this issue in my life. This is more normal of a problem. However, I hate feeling like I am always at the doctor. People probably think I am a hypochondriac, but hey what can you do.
Here is where guys can pick back up.... :). Last Thursday I was in my car driving home from work and I had forgotten my phone at home... I did that twice last week! So I turned down my radio and I did something I haven't done in a long time. I had a conversation with the Big Guy Upstairs. I haven't done that in a LONG time. When I found out that I had PCOS in January 2010, I kind of gave up that part of my life. I didn't NOT believe anymore or anything like that. But I didn't go to church anymore. Johnny and I used to go every week. But I just couldn't make myself WANT to go anymore.
I was heartbroken. I am still trying to glue the pieces of my heart back together. I just realized that God is the glue that I need now.
So on Thursday I am talking to God, and yelling. and crying. And all I want to know is "WHY? Why am I not going to become the one thing in life that I have always wanted to be? What is the purpose of my life? Am I destined to be that old woman that dies in her house and isn't found until the neighbors smell her rotting corpse? ( This is where my mind goes because I have heard too many stories like that of old women who never had kids and whose husband and other family is long gone) What am I supposed to do with my life? Just give me a sign!" I feel like it is pointless if not to be a mother. I know I could be 80% happy in life. I have great friends, a wonderful family, an amazing husband, but there would be this void in my heart that would never be filled by anything in life that is meant to be filled by the love I would have for my own child.
And as I am done asking "Why, why , why???" I am stopped at a red light. I am stopped here everyday ( I never catch it on green!!) and there are never signs here.... and there was a sign. It simply said "Become a Foster Parent." then had the number to call. Wow, a literal sign. Thank you, because i am oblivious to subtle hints. He knows what I need :).
So I know what I am doing in life now. Well, when I am done with school in 2013. I will then be looking to become a foster parent (along with Johnny of course). I came home and the first thing I did was talk to Johnny about it.
Then I had a friend invite me to come to a church function. So on Saturday I went. And I was nervous about it. I am always nervous going to a church for the first time. I am very used to a certain way in church... and I know there are very many different kinds of church. But I had a feeling I needed to go. So I went. I am glad that I did.
Here I am sitting in a church where every woman in there has at leas 1 kid running around. And the pastor has 7!!! and I am listening to this song the guy on keyboard is singing about healing the body. And here I am just coming off of making this HUGE life decision and I am just looking at these babies and children and hearing these verses of this song and I cannot help but to start just BAWLING in this church. And it was that snotty, gross kind of crying. And I wore makeup and everything of course.
Let's just say by the end of this thing I am only HALF wearing makeup anymore.
I know that I am making the right decisions at this point. I am focused on making myself healthy and getting through school while working full time and not killing myself. I am going to be joining the workout anytime that is opening in Oak Ridge as soon as they are up and running. $15 bucks a month... I can work with that. And I am going to take the stress I have from working and school all the time and I am going to work out until the knot of stress between my shoulder blades is melted away or the rest of me hurts more than it does so I don't notice it. And I am going to start going back to Sizemology classes, because I LOVE THOSE DANCE CLASSES. And I will go all by myself if I have to just to go again.
I don't care if my knees is hurting or my feet are swollen or if it is "too hot to move." I am making changes in my life. I am going to be healthy. I am going to graduate (with a 4.0 if i can at all possibly continue to manage that gpa) and I am going to become a teacher. And I am going to feel sexy again. And I am going to take burlesque classes when I start feeling sexy. Hell, I might even become Nikki Darling (that is my future stage name).
AND in 2013 I am going to walk into my 10 year reunion for high school and I am going to be the hottest, happiest woman in the room. I got the Man of my dreams already. He treats me like a queen. I just have to work on myself. And that is what I am doing... Starting NOW.
**AmandaNicole**
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