I started going to a fertility dr. in March. I have been actively taking meds to help me with all this junk going on in my body. I got a hair cut, too. I am trying to make things work. I have had some ups and downs in this journey (which is no where near over) already and I am exhausted by it. I am completely over not seeing anymore progress in my weight loss. I posted something earlier today on here that basically shows I am not crazy. Doctors just don't believe a fat person when they say they are trying to lose weight unless they see massive weight loss. I promise, I know I am not perfect but I am trying. Johnny and I found a lovely walking trail and it is perfect outside this time of year for walking.
I still do my dance and will be picking up more of that now that I am on this new schedule at work. I will be late but I will still show up to all the extra classes I can take. I eat veggie burgers now when I can to replace the burger I really want. But mostly I eat grilled chicken. I try not to eat fries anymore but sometimes I cheat.... I am only human.
I have given up soda... but I allow myself one about once a week if I happen to crave one. Some times a girl just needs an ice cold coca cola. But I have bottled water most of the time. 99% of the time to be accurate.
I pass on deserts and try not to snack late when I get the munchies... sometimes I let it slip, but most of the time I am good a keeping myself good. I had a Reese Egg on easter.... but just one... not anymore than that like i would have done before.
I am so over this standstill I am in though. People Jump to the conclusion that I am not active when I complain... like i said, no one believes a fat girl.
I look at pictures of me that include my body and I see something very disgusting. I really have an amazingly pretty face so no complaints there, but I HATE my body. And I don't HATE much. If there was some way I could go back in time to when I started puberty and tell them to start me on PCOS meds then when the trouble started for me, maybe I wouldn't be here in this world of hating my body. I didn't hate my body when I was a size 16/18. Most people do, but I was content. I thought mom was crazy when she talked to me about losing weight. WHY? I carried it well. And now I would GIVE MY RIGHT ARM (the one I crochet with) to be that size again. If I could just lose even 2 dress sizes (not my goal but pretty good) I would be happier in life. I just feel like a whale.
Today is a bad day for my mood. I am upset because I can't get anywhere. 18lbs down since November. That is it... in almost 6 months!!!! And nothing in the past 2 months.... not a single lb. I should think "at least I haven't GAINED" but that isn't GOOD ENOUGH at this point. I am not happy.
TELL ME WHAT TO DO WORLD! TELL ME HOW TO GET A MIRACLE!
Monday, April 9, 2012
What I came across today.... and I felt Like I needed to share.
Psychologically, PCOS is a brutal condition.
In its most severe form, a woman is stripped of nearly everything that society sees as womanly, a "theft of womanhood," as some sources call it. She probably is very fat, balding, has a mustache or other facial hair, has acne and body tags, doesn't cycle regularly, and has difficulty having children. She is seen as sexually unattractive, epitomizes the image of the "ugly" woman in our society, and is the object of many jokes and much derision in the media. Is it any wonder some women find this condition incredibly demoralizing?
Adding into this is the lack of understanding around PCOS as a condition. Even when you have an official diagnosis, some friends and family consider it a dubious finding. In their view, you're just looking for an excuse for being fat, crying about how your "bad metabolism" causes your obesity, instead of taking responsibility for your supposedly poor eating. They roll their eyes or accuse you of closet binge-eating instead.
Doctors often don't believe you if you tell them you eat normally either, thinking you must be in denial about your eating, or that you are too uneducated about "proper" nutrition to really understand how to eat healthy. Furthermore, the shopping cart and food intake of a woman with PCOS are under continuous scrutiny and criticism, adding constant stress to daily life. The "obese" woman with PCOS always feels on the defensive about her food or exercise habits.
This disbelief about their experiences and the burden of constant surveillance often takes a considerable toll on PCOS women's self-esteem. And for those who truly do struggle with eating disorders after years of dieting, the shame around dealing with that on top of PCOS can be overwhelming.
Because of its implications for long-term health, PCOS deserves to be taken seriously, regardless of the patient's age or whether or not they want children. It needs to be seen as a life-long condition, not just a concern tied to pregnancy.
In its most severe form, a woman is stripped of nearly everything that society sees as womanly, a "theft of womanhood," as some sources call it. She probably is very fat, balding, has a mustache or other facial hair, has acne and body tags, doesn't cycle regularly, and has difficulty having children. She is seen as sexually unattractive, epitomizes the image of the "ugly" woman in our society, and is the object of many jokes and much derision in the media. Is it any wonder some women find this condition incredibly demoralizing?
Adding into this is the lack of understanding around PCOS as a condition. Even when you have an official diagnosis, some friends and family consider it a dubious finding. In their view, you're just looking for an excuse for being fat, crying about how your "bad metabolism" causes your obesity, instead of taking responsibility for your supposedly poor eating. They roll their eyes or accuse you of closet binge-eating instead.
Doctors often don't believe you if you tell them you eat normally either, thinking you must be in denial about your eating, or that you are too uneducated about "proper" nutrition to really understand how to eat healthy. Furthermore, the shopping cart and food intake of a woman with PCOS are under continuous scrutiny and criticism, adding constant stress to daily life. The "obese" woman with PCOS always feels on the defensive about her food or exercise habits.
This disbelief about their experiences and the burden of constant surveillance often takes a considerable toll on PCOS women's self-esteem. And for those who truly do struggle with eating disorders after years of dieting, the shame around dealing with that on top of PCOS can be overwhelming.
Because of its implications for long-term health, PCOS deserves to be taken seriously, regardless of the patient's age or whether or not they want children. It needs to be seen as a life-long condition, not just a concern tied to pregnancy.
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