Friday, March 29, 2013
Making decisions.
I officially told my Fertility docs yesterday that I am taking a break. I have not had time in my life to cope with what has happen this past year and I need that. I am going to look into getting myself happy and healthy again and look into dealing with some of johnny's issues that don't help with all the fertility stuff for a while then we can try again. Then I can ask about ovarian drilling, because if it will help me be healthier I want that. I want what help I can get. I am not losing weight like I should be. At this point i should have doubled the weight I have lost. If I were a normal person I would be so much better off. I would be at least 100lbs down if i were normal. It has taken me 2 years to lose 50 lbs. it is ridiculous I dance all the time. I am active. I watch what i eat. I don't eat out nearly as much as I used to. I have been without sodas on and off... I have to have one every once in a while. I haven't had one in over 38 days now though. I will have one on Easter as a celebration of making it trough lent without one but then back off again. I have increased my water intake. I eat breakfast now (that was a big thing for me. I used to NEVER eat until like lunch) I just don't know what else to do.
Thursday, March 21, 2013
Doing research today...
I came across this today in my journey to discover what i can do for myself. I am going to go into my next dr. appointment with what I want to do next. Not what they want to do. I am done listening to them. I wanted to share this because almost everyone of these touched on my heart. This is how I feel. Maybe you think it is wrong and if you do that is fine but don't say that to me because I think its right and it is my life and my pain I am dealing with.
This was written by a lady who had just lost her baby. Even if you only find one of the sentences that describes how you are feeling; then let it show that you are not alone.
1. DO understand that losing a baby changes people. I am not the same person I was before I experienced it nor will I ever be that person again. If you keep waiting for me to “get back to my old self,” you will be frustrated. I am a woman with new thoughts, dreams, aspirations and values.
2. DO not be afraid to speak to me about my loss and to ask questions or just let me talk about my baby when I feel it is going to help.
3. IF I cry or get emotional when I talk about my baby, I wish you knew that is isn’t because you hurt me. The fact that I have suffered has caused my tears. You have allowed me to cry, and I thank you, the crying and emotional outbursts are healing.
4. DO not pretend that nothing is happening to me, because it is a large part of my life.
5. I will have emotional highs and lows, ups and downs. Do not think that if I have a good day, my grief is over, or that if I have had a bad day, I need psychiatric counselling!
6. DO know that all of the “extreme” grief reactions I am having are in fact very normal. Depression, anger, frustration, hopelessness and lack of self-confidence are to be expected during and following what is happening.
7. Do understand the physical reactions to grief. I may gain weight or lose weight, sleep all the time or not at all, want to surround myself with loved ones or be alone, all of which may be related to my grief.
8. IF I get withdrawn, just know I am doing my best to cope. Do not try to compel me into being cheerful or tell me that it will be better soon. How do you know?
9. DO understand that it is normal that I may re-examine my faith, values and beliefs throughout this journey. I will recall things I have been taught all of my life, and hopefully come to some new and better understandings to include those with God.
10. IF we hear of friends and family that are p[regnant, do understand that I am truly happy for their blessing and my sadness or perhaps distant behavior during this time is not personal but just a part of my grief for my own baby.
11. DO not avoid me or stop calling because you don’t know what to say or you are waiting for me to call you. Show me that you care and that I can lean on you.
12. DO not tire of my constant mood swings. I know it’s hard for you to be strong all the time for me, I am trying to protect you too but I can’t control my feelings every minute of the day.
13. DO not treat me as though I am not a ‘mother’. Not having a child in my arms does not mean that I do not understand unconditional love. I have experienced the intensity of maternal love and it has changed me.
14. DO not expect my grief to be over if and when I become pregnant or have another child. With the search to add to my family I will face the same fears, concerns and challenges. I will also never forget the pain of losing this much wanted child.
15. DO pray for me to have the strength and patience and pray that I come out of this a stronger and more loving and compassionate person.
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Ovarian drilling, done during laparoscopy, is a procedure in which a laser fibre or electrosurgical needle punctures the ovary 4 to 10 times. This treatment results in a dramatic lowering of male hormones within days and is often performed in women who have polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS). Studies have shown that up to 80 percent of patients will benefit from such treatment. Many women who fail to ovulate with clomiphene or Metformin therapy will respond when these medications are reintroduced to the system after ovarian drilling. Side effects are rare, but may result in adhesion formation or ovarian failure if there are complications during the procedure.
This was written by a lady who had just lost her baby. Even if you only find one of the sentences that describes how you are feeling; then let it show that you are not alone.
1. DO understand that losing a baby changes people. I am not the same person I was before I experienced it nor will I ever be that person again. If you keep waiting for me to “get back to my old self,” you will be frustrated. I am a woman with new thoughts, dreams, aspirations and values.
2. DO not be afraid to speak to me about my loss and to ask questions or just let me talk about my baby when I feel it is going to help.
3. IF I cry or get emotional when I talk about my baby, I wish you knew that is isn’t because you hurt me. The fact that I have suffered has caused my tears. You have allowed me to cry, and I thank you, the crying and emotional outbursts are healing.
4. DO not pretend that nothing is happening to me, because it is a large part of my life.
5. I will have emotional highs and lows, ups and downs. Do not think that if I have a good day, my grief is over, or that if I have had a bad day, I need psychiatric counselling!
6. DO know that all of the “extreme” grief reactions I am having are in fact very normal. Depression, anger, frustration, hopelessness and lack of self-confidence are to be expected during and following what is happening.
7. Do understand the physical reactions to grief. I may gain weight or lose weight, sleep all the time or not at all, want to surround myself with loved ones or be alone, all of which may be related to my grief.
8. IF I get withdrawn, just know I am doing my best to cope. Do not try to compel me into being cheerful or tell me that it will be better soon. How do you know?
9. DO understand that it is normal that I may re-examine my faith, values and beliefs throughout this journey. I will recall things I have been taught all of my life, and hopefully come to some new and better understandings to include those with God.
10. IF we hear of friends and family that are p[regnant, do understand that I am truly happy for their blessing and my sadness or perhaps distant behavior during this time is not personal but just a part of my grief for my own baby.
11. DO not avoid me or stop calling because you don’t know what to say or you are waiting for me to call you. Show me that you care and that I can lean on you.
12. DO not tire of my constant mood swings. I know it’s hard for you to be strong all the time for me, I am trying to protect you too but I can’t control my feelings every minute of the day.
13. DO not treat me as though I am not a ‘mother’. Not having a child in my arms does not mean that I do not understand unconditional love. I have experienced the intensity of maternal love and it has changed me.
14. DO not expect my grief to be over if and when I become pregnant or have another child. With the search to add to my family I will face the same fears, concerns and challenges. I will also never forget the pain of losing this much wanted child.
15. DO pray for me to have the strength and patience and pray that I come out of this a stronger and more loving and compassionate person.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is what I will be inquiring about at my next appt. This is the step I WANT TO TAKE!
Ovarian Drilling
Ovarian drilling, done during laparoscopy, is a procedure in which a laser fibre or electrosurgical needle punctures the ovary 4 to 10 times. This treatment results in a dramatic lowering of male hormones within days and is often performed in women who have polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS). Studies have shown that up to 80 percent of patients will benefit from such treatment. Many women who fail to ovulate with clomiphene or Metformin therapy will respond when these medications are reintroduced to the system after ovarian drilling. Side effects are rare, but may result in adhesion formation or ovarian failure if there are complications during the procedure.
Can you handle the VIDEO? I watched several.... this one is not so bad.
Thursday, March 7, 2013
A rough week.
I have been waiting to start my period. I am 12 days late and negative on pt. I have been back in full dance mode since I got to go back to day shift this week. I am so sore. Glad to be but I am s.o.r.e. I've also be having little spouts of sadness just randomly strike me . I kind of just want a reset button to hit.
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