I started going to a fertility dr. in March. I have been actively taking meds to help me with all this junk going on in my body. I got a hair cut, too. I am trying to make things work. I have had some ups and downs in this journey (which is no where near over) already and I am exhausted by it. I am completely over not seeing anymore progress in my weight loss. I posted something earlier today on here that basically shows I am not crazy. Doctors just don't believe a fat person when they say they are trying to lose weight unless they see massive weight loss. I promise, I know I am not perfect but I am trying. Johnny and I found a lovely walking trail and it is perfect outside this time of year for walking.
I still do my dance and will be picking up more of that now that I am on this new schedule at work. I will be late but I will still show up to all the extra classes I can take. I eat veggie burgers now when I can to replace the burger I really want. But mostly I eat grilled chicken. I try not to eat fries anymore but sometimes I cheat.... I am only human.
I have given up soda... but I allow myself one about once a week if I happen to crave one. Some times a girl just needs an ice cold coca cola. But I have bottled water most of the time. 99% of the time to be accurate.
I pass on deserts and try not to snack late when I get the munchies... sometimes I let it slip, but most of the time I am good a keeping myself good. I had a Reese Egg on easter.... but just one... not anymore than that like i would have done before.
I am so over this standstill I am in though. People Jump to the conclusion that I am not active when I complain... like i said, no one believes a fat girl.
I look at pictures of me that include my body and I see something very disgusting. I really have an amazingly pretty face so no complaints there, but I HATE my body. And I don't HATE much. If there was some way I could go back in time to when I started puberty and tell them to start me on PCOS meds then when the trouble started for me, maybe I wouldn't be here in this world of hating my body. I didn't hate my body when I was a size 16/18. Most people do, but I was content. I thought mom was crazy when she talked to me about losing weight. WHY? I carried it well. And now I would GIVE MY RIGHT ARM (the one I crochet with) to be that size again. If I could just lose even 2 dress sizes (not my goal but pretty good) I would be happier in life. I just feel like a whale.
Today is a bad day for my mood. I am upset because I can't get anywhere. 18lbs down since November. That is it... in almost 6 months!!!! And nothing in the past 2 months.... not a single lb. I should think "at least I haven't GAINED" but that isn't GOOD ENOUGH at this point. I am not happy.
TELL ME WHAT TO DO WORLD! TELL ME HOW TO GET A MIRACLE!
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