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This has been weighing on my heart a lot this past few weeks.  Maybe its just delayed reaction.  Or maybe its because the next step for us is an unattainable goal due to monetary reasons. But I feel like I lost my one chance to be what I have always wanted to be.  I feel cheated and hurt and angry.  SO I had to get it out.  so for the first time in 8 years, I wrote a poem.  It is not a great work of art.. just an outlet for a broken heart.

Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be.

For you…. Or for me.

You won’t even need 3 AM mastication.

I won’t have to suffer from sleep deprivation.

I won’t have to worry or fear

About just might what happen year after year?

You won’t grow up in a cruel world

Bullied by mean boys or nasty girls.

Life won’t make you jaded

And your innocence will never be faded.

I’ll never have to worry or care.

I’ll do what I want, when I want and where.

So what if I never get to hold you in my arms,

Snuggle you up and keep you warm?

So what if I never got to feel you kick, hear you laugh, or see your smiles?

I will never have to see you sick, hear you cry, or watch your trials.

I’ll never have to be disappointed by you

Or the foolish, silly, or stupid things you do.

I won’t get to see you succeed, but I’ll never have to see you run aground.

Life will be so much easier with you not around.

I won’t have to worry about money to buy you Christmas toys.

I won’t get to see your face alight with Christmas Joys.

You won’t have to struggle in any shape, form, or fashion.

But I will never get to see you learn, love, or be filled with passion.

You’ll never get to make me laugh, but you did make me cry.

And I will never, never, never understand just why you had to die.